Uninspired. To the Millionth degree

I've been so uninspired lately.  The drab olive green carpet in the living room isn't helping.  Nor are Eric's 2am impromptu coke binges with 6 other people when I have god damn fucking work at 8am. Fuck him.  They raged until 630, when I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I walked back inside and slammed the door so hard, I thought the china would break.  And by china, I mean the frat boy save-your-empty-liquor-bottles-like-it's-goin-out-of-style china.  I couldn't believe the nerve of him.  He makes us take care of his unpotty trained chronically pukey cats. Never comes home. Doesn't pay rent on time.  Then he shows up to party hard the night his friend comes to town.  Ontop of that, Ryan (jons bandmate) was with him--- note to self: I paid for his lunch cause he had gotten so many Per Diem advances, that the last few days on the road he had no money for food.  Fucker.  And to top off that entire love story, they left the whole fucking mess in the living room for Jon and I the next day. Everything. Coke residue on everything in sight. MORE empty liquor bottles. The list goes on.  Eric's friend who had come into town for the weekend was still asleep on the couch when Jon got home... Jon woke Jonny up and filled him in on the fact that Satan herself was around the corner, and he better start helping to clean the apartment stat.  

When I walked in, Jon met me at the front door with a nervous look in his eyes. "Babe, we're going to smoke weed!"  "Who the fuck is in our living room," was the only thought that rolled out of my head, onto my tongue.  Jon and I hadn't smoked weed in weeks cause we were flat ass broke.  Thats when a cowardice little shadow came around the corner.  Jonny started professing his most sincere apology, when I put my hands up in the space between us, and shook them, and continued with what was on my mind. (there wasn't much on my mind, because I felt like ASS all day!)  

"Shut your fucking mouth because I don't want to hear your voice, asshole.  Don't apologize to me.  You're sorry now? Because the cokes run dry, and you have time to reflect and rationalize on your shitty ass decision? Fuck you."

"I swear to god, I didn't know"

"Shut the fuck up you idiot. Don't EVEN say you didn't know. Because you fucking knew, you piece of shit.  "

He started to stammer some random words...

"- Jon came out there to smoke, and you ASKED 'how' pissed I was.  What... so you turned your music down, apologized, then what did you do?? You kept fucking raging!  You knew exctly what was going on, you piece of shit. Don't you even try to pull that line."

Then I raged for another 10 minutes (mostly about thanking Johnny for cementing the piece of shit, inconsiderate people in Jon's life who call themselves "friends") while he and Jon continued cleaning ground zero.

This all happened 2 weeks ago... I since have been completely uninspired to write music... mostly because life had been so restricted- I literally had 3 dollars to my name. So sucky. Anyways, I'm doing the cleanse right now, and turning over a new leaf.  I had no money, so I had to eat incredibly less healthy than I'd like to admit.  I'm on day 7.  I'm going for 12 days.  But if I hit 12 days, and want to do 2 more, I may.  That's pretty crazy though. 2 weeks!!!! Damn.  I'm sitting up at Athan's- I got my pot of hot water, and added my Smoothe Move teabag at my table.  Unfortunately, the hostess loves me, and she brought me over a chocolatey treat.  That's when I had to break down and tell her why I've been only ordering a plain pot of hot water.  She almost died when I told her that I hadn't eaten in 7 days haha.

But seriously, this has been the easiest time for me to do the cleanse.  I did it once in florida, last october, and again in february in north jersey.  I haven't really had any unbearable moments.  They all pass.

Anyways, I'm going to skip on out of here, but I wanted to give a small update of what has been going on-  work has been taking a lot of life out of me!  I'm working 12 days in a row.  Intense! 

Anyways, Im hoping the Atmosphere show tomorrow puts more inspiration under my ass.  I haven't seen Nate in a hot minute.  It should be a good time, minus the fact that we can't go out for a bomb ass dinner before hand :( !!!