I should finish that last post...

Jess
Rachel
 Deadbeat Father, Bill

But I decided instead to put it all in my book... The book will include short stories from Warped Tour, when Jon and I met, after we broke up, getting back together [and falling apart] with Travis, losing my Truth job, the tumultuous Shout it Loud Tour, starting the Junior Lah Lah album, Jon quitting Big D, and our recent RIDICULOUS trip to Cincinnati with Foxy Shazam.

I don't think I've mentioned this yet on here- since I've only been blogging for a consecutive two days or so- I'm lying. I don't even think it's been consecutive.

Bite me.

Anyways.  Jon is officially out of Big D and the Kids table.... The way he went about it may not have been super noble [via text] but hey.  How the fuck else are you supposed to get the words out there?  They were all pretty upset [obviously] but still wished him well [obviously].  I think that was pretty big of them all, I do have to say.  I just found it funny that Sean asked if it had to do with money.  I wanted to call him, "Do you think if any of you were getting paid for the money you make, this would ever have been an issue?"

What a fucking hard decision.  To hold your breath, close your eyes and jump ship; a ship that's pretty big, and is pretty far from shore- one you've been riding for six years.  But that was the deciding factor.  He could stay with Big D, get another bullshit GreenPeace job, and hate his life, or he could start answering the door to all those opportunity knocks.

It was funny- while we were out in Cincinnati, we hung out with this chick Steph- who I freakishly had quite a bit in common with... I'm not talking about hair color or a fantastic & witty sense of humor (although we both share those).  More specifically speaking, I'm referring to the fact that both of our first CD's, at the age of 8, were Whitney Houston's The Bodyguard.  She also brought up three subjects I had discussed the previous day (although I can only remember one)...  getting killed by icicles.  I mean. Seriously.  How more obscure could it get than that?  Anyways- the entire point of bringing Stephanie up, was because I wanted to touch on something she said.

Sky (Foxy keyboardist) was discussing a really hard decision the band has to make in the near future, and Steph said that the answer/outcome to really pivotal life decisions should be obvious... as in, if you don't feel 100% sure about it, you shouldn't do it; that you should always "know" that it's the right decision.  I have to say that this is the only thing she said that I disagreed with.  

Was quitting Big D the right decision for Jon?  Was going out on a limb to pursue an uncertain fate with Foxy Shazam the right decision?  Who the fuck knows?  But I do know, that without great risk, you can't gain the fuckin sweet payoff!  

We're only twenty-two and twenty-four.  If we're not daring without kids, mortgages, insurance and strings attached to every limb- when the hell else will we be daring??

...This is my favorite part of my 'new' days... At my new nannying job, around 7:45 am the sun reflects off the glass of skyscrapers, in the front bay windows, and onto my face...

I got into a huge fight with Bill the other night- my roommate and former coworker... He has issues refraining from bringing sketchy mother fuckers over our apartment- specific mother fuckers we [all of his roommates] have told him are NOT welcome in the house.  After I had the discussion with him not to invite Taryn aka Crazy Eyes aka Pillmatic aka Bangz [due to her 80s bangs- no, I'm not kidding.  I'll post a picture of bangs that closely resemble hers] over the house... what do you know! He brings her over!  What a fucking idiot.  AND she stole weed from him.  He didn't say anything to her about it, but rest assured, folks. He "gave her a look, ya know? one of those looks that says 'I saw you'.  Don't worry.  She knows I got her number."  Dumbass Bill.  When will he learn?? 

Jess, Rachel, Jon and I all proceed to flip that she was in the house in the first place... I can't fucking stand Bill, and I start to piece together the fact that his mail from return addresses of Family Court and New York State Child Support Offices with red stamps stating "PAYMENT REQUIRED IMMEDIATELY" probably afford the safe knowledge that, although I give Bill a hard time on a regular basis, I was in fact right... Right that he isn't a nice guy who constantly does self centered shit.  Right that he's somewhat fucked up in the head [especially for a 28 year old].  Right that he's probably the worst kind of man out there- a deadbeat father.

So, out the window goes my ability to cope with his shit, hear his voice, look him in the eye, respond to any statements escaping his mouth, or unclench my jaw when I have to be near him.

I go to Cincinnati.

I come home to the news that he brought Taryn over again. I cock my head to the side, like a dog who's owner just asked if it wanted to go for a ride, when Jess and Rachel tell me this.  Not only that, but in his drug infused argument with her, she ends up threatening to fuck him up... which will most likely end in my apartment being robbed- probably at gun-point.  That's all fine and dandy if Bill's the only one home, but, fuck! What if I'm there!!??

And that's that.  I know that when Bill comes home, I'm either going to physically punch him in the face, or verbally punch him in the face.  I decide, since he once- upon- a- time was a lawyer, I'll go with the second.  

Commence WW3... his arguments- He's the only one who cleans, he was nice to me, I'm a crazy cunt, he likes Jon but can't stand that he's attached to such an asshole, and eventually he resorted to yelling "go fucking die". Repeatedly.  Run out of piss poor excuses much?

My arguments- you NEVER clean [he wiped off the sink that afternoon though... anyone who knows me, knows what my version of neurotic clean is], you bring people to the apartment who will steal my belongings, you eat everyone else's food, you do nothing with your life other than reproduce, abandon, smoke weed, and do insert whatever other drugs he finds on the ground on his way home from work... now fuck off, cause neither Jon nor I can stand you, you oblivious fuck.

While on the phone talking it over with Jon, Bill texted him saying "just to let you know, your girlfriend screamed at me, and said you hated me, dude."

Was he expecting Jon to immediately call me and reprimand me for putting his vital friendship with Bill on the line?

Did he not expect us to be on the phone, having yet another laugh at his expense??

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I have wireless!

So, I started my new job at 5:45 am.  I'm ecstatic and nervous all at the same time.  I'm nannying a little girl named Radha.  She's 3 months old, and the cutest thing north of Teaneck NJ (where my first boyfriend is located- big ups Sebastian.)  Now I'll have internet throughout the day while Radha is napping; I'll be able to cook my meals from scratch! So exciting...

So, what's new with me?  I love the narcissistic value of blogs!  The past week Jon and I traveled to Cincinnati via the chariot of hell (some people refer to it as the Greyhound Bus).  We woke up Thursday the 29th of January.  I rolled out of bed at a ripe 9:30, hopped in the shower and was out the door at 10:45.  We ran up to my (former) work- Cafenation- for egg sandwiches, when Jon realized he left his wallet at home.  He hopped in jess's car, and arrived at the bus stop just in time to see the bus driving by... We realized our royally fucked situation, and called Gilbert (fmr boss) to take us to Harvard Square.  The trip to South Station went smoothly, as was the first portion of the bus trip.  We had a half hour layover in Albany, so we walked around the city, got two 40s, and returned to the bus.  

We should've known... the second we tried to have fun, Murphy (of the infamous Murphy's Law) would fuck us repeatedly in the a-hole.  Jon had grabbed a few snacks ranging from Chex Mix to Chips Ahoy to Pringles.... and we planned to live off them between our meals.  After albany came a bunch of po-dunk towns- we planned on dinner at Syracuse- our 30 minute layover.  

Also

I got a song in a Chris Kattan movie a few weeks ago... exciting!

and songs will be up on the myspace in a few days!

even more exciting!

kk gotta go!

It's a blizzardy day, Christopher Robin!

So, outside the window is about an inch and a half of snow, and it's been snowing for about an hour and a half... a foot is expected.  I got off work at 2pm, and decided to stay for a few to write a blog! Yay me!  Jon got off work early because it's so insane out... which means we can work on music!  I want to have three song done for Christmas break- tanget, a letter to the american dream, and arkadelphia dub.  

In addition to that, I've been working on my mom and dad's christmas presents.  I started working on one design for my mom involving decopage and artist crayons- a picture of a french press and 3 cups.  I wasn't crazy about the idea, just because I  didn't feel like it filled enough of the space on the page.  I know she's intending on putting it over the couch in the living room, and therefor it has to be huge.  Finally, last night, I decided to scrap that idea, and work on a new picture.  I took the hair idea (the fact that it fills the entire page) from this drawing.  I'm making it a picture of my mom when she was in her teen years.... big black 80's hair and all...

I'll put it up when I'm all finished.

I'm not nearly drinking enough water and I have a huge crick/creak/whatever in my back, behind my left shoulder.

that's the end. hope you enjoyed it... 

Just like I start every blog

I start it with an apology for not updating as much.  But seriously. The internet at the apartment blows...

A few updates- I hit the wall about the cats and Eric.  We had a huge fight, and he kicked me out, so Jon and I are moving into our friend Bill's apartment. YAY!!! We'll finally have our own apartment, with our own things! I'm really excited.

I just got off work; Jon has a show in Penn tonight and Jersey tomorrow.  I think I may go out with Bill and my other friend Matt tonight? I'm not sure... regardless, I'm going to go work on vocals, since I have the house to myself hehe. So weird!! Jon and I haven't been apart for even a day since mid June.  It's sick. I know.

This comes from my self employed, self made fantastic poker player friend Rob Felner via Las Vegas

"Hard work is good for building character. But you have that already. Now it's just become redundant. Take it easy, I say"

Uninspired. To the Millionth degree

I've been so uninspired lately.  The drab olive green carpet in the living room isn't helping.  Nor are Eric's 2am impromptu coke binges with 6 other people when I have god damn fucking work at 8am. Fuck him.  They raged until 630, when I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I walked back inside and slammed the door so hard, I thought the china would break.  And by china, I mean the frat boy save-your-empty-liquor-bottles-like-it's-goin-out-of-style china.  I couldn't believe the nerve of him.  He makes us take care of his unpotty trained chronically pukey cats. Never comes home. Doesn't pay rent on time.  Then he shows up to party hard the night his friend comes to town.  Ontop of that, Ryan (jons bandmate) was with him--- note to self: I paid for his lunch cause he had gotten so many Per Diem advances, that the last few days on the road he had no money for food.  Fucker.  And to top off that entire love story, they left the whole fucking mess in the living room for Jon and I the next day. Everything. Coke residue on everything in sight. MORE empty liquor bottles. The list goes on.  Eric's friend who had come into town for the weekend was still asleep on the couch when Jon got home... Jon woke Jonny up and filled him in on the fact that Satan herself was around the corner, and he better start helping to clean the apartment stat.  

When I walked in, Jon met me at the front door with a nervous look in his eyes. "Babe, we're going to smoke weed!"  "Who the fuck is in our living room," was the only thought that rolled out of my head, onto my tongue.  Jon and I hadn't smoked weed in weeks cause we were flat ass broke.  Thats when a cowardice little shadow came around the corner.  Jonny started professing his most sincere apology, when I put my hands up in the space between us, and shook them, and continued with what was on my mind. (there wasn't much on my mind, because I felt like ASS all day!)  

"Shut your fucking mouth because I don't want to hear your voice, asshole.  Don't apologize to me.  You're sorry now? Because the cokes run dry, and you have time to reflect and rationalize on your shitty ass decision? Fuck you."

"I swear to god, I didn't know"

"Shut the fuck up you idiot. Don't EVEN say you didn't know. Because you fucking knew, you piece of shit.  "

He started to stammer some random words...

"- Jon came out there to smoke, and you ASKED 'how' pissed I was.  What... so you turned your music down, apologized, then what did you do?? You kept fucking raging!  You knew exctly what was going on, you piece of shit. Don't you even try to pull that line."

Then I raged for another 10 minutes (mostly about thanking Johnny for cementing the piece of shit, inconsiderate people in Jon's life who call themselves "friends") while he and Jon continued cleaning ground zero.

This all happened 2 weeks ago... I since have been completely uninspired to write music... mostly because life had been so restricted- I literally had 3 dollars to my name. So sucky. Anyways, I'm doing the cleanse right now, and turning over a new leaf.  I had no money, so I had to eat incredibly less healthy than I'd like to admit.  I'm on day 7.  I'm going for 12 days.  But if I hit 12 days, and want to do 2 more, I may.  That's pretty crazy though. 2 weeks!!!! Damn.  I'm sitting up at Athan's- I got my pot of hot water, and added my Smoothe Move teabag at my table.  Unfortunately, the hostess loves me, and she brought me over a chocolatey treat.  That's when I had to break down and tell her why I've been only ordering a plain pot of hot water.  She almost died when I told her that I hadn't eaten in 7 days haha.

But seriously, this has been the easiest time for me to do the cleanse.  I did it once in florida, last october, and again in february in north jersey.  I haven't really had any unbearable moments.  They all pass.

Anyways, I'm going to skip on out of here, but I wanted to give a small update of what has been going on-  work has been taking a lot of life out of me!  I'm working 12 days in a row.  Intense! 

Anyways, Im hoping the Atmosphere show tomorrow puts more inspiration under my ass.  I haven't seen Nate in a hot minute.  It should be a good time, minus the fact that we can't go out for a bomb ass dinner before hand :( !!!